Clear Epic

It seems whenever I start to get really busy with work - all creativity or even non-work thoughts just escape me. Maybe work sucks all of the creativity out of me?? Although you have to have a certain amount of creativity - but not the same type. I have to be able to think outside the box, to think about strategies and other ways to get business outcomes,etc… Not the same however as blogging - and blogging more than a “this was my schedule today” sort of a post which let’s be honest - nobody cares about my life that much

I can’t remember the last time I was able to sit down and write something witty, funny, creative. No short stories, no outlines for children’s books - nothing like that. Just gone. Maybe someday it’ll come back? I was chatting w/ a friend about this who currently is working in Africa. I used to LOVE to read his stories - he was G.O.O.D. I asked him why I haven’t seen anything from him in a couple of years - when he started working in NYC for Wall Street it all got sucked out of him too… If you know the secret to this - Please tell.

It’s even hard for me to write about the everyday stuff sometimes - but here we go. We’ll give it a shot.

So lots of changes in our household. I may or may not have mentioned I took on a new role at work - one that while exciting definitely has some challenges associated with it. Uncertainty for one - which I always feel, I always have this sense of panic - not true, can’t move panic - but that whole “oh my gosh - how am I going to do this? How am I going to not fail?” and then I always do well. Who knows? Maybe that is what drives me? Maybe that’s what I need as a good ol kick in the pants? It requires travel - more than I realized which while I love my clients - I truly do, it sucks. I hate being away from my family. Travel would be fine if R and P could come with me.  But when I leave and come back it’s not just the few days I’m gone that is affected - it also takes a few days when I’m back to get re-adjusted. Back to a regular schedule, back to work where I’m not “as” overwhelmed - and back to a point where P is comfortable when I leave the room, and where R and I get reconnected. And then it starts all over again.

I want to be successful, I want to show my daughter that there are different levels of success - and when she gets old enough to show her that a woman really can make it (although, I haven’t actually gotten there yet - because on so many levels I want to scream “GLASS CEILING!!!”). She is young right now, if I work really hard to get us where we need to be then when she’s older we can do different things - this is the argument anyway. The argument that so many others are okay with and live by - but I still struggle with it. I struggle because I also see how it affects my marriage. It’s such a tenuous line, it is. I can’t even explain it.

But we do what we need to do. That’s one thing about being a woman, and one thing about myself that I am proud of. We do what has to be done to take care of our families. Period. It’s not being dominant, it’s not trying to be the leader of the house - although sometimes I wonder if it comes off that way, by the reaction I see from my husband. It’s simply not. It’s ironic that it may be interpreted as such however because it’s the absolutely last thing in this world I want to be. It is stressful, it is straining, and I hate it. It’s just that whether it is the little thing such as getting out the door on time so I’m not late to appointments or meetings - or whether it is the big things such as making sure we’re on track for such as saving for a future debt-free status, owning our home, retiring as millionaires (through saving). I think I get so intense and so goal oriented and focused that it is a put-off for those around me, mainly R. I don’t ever mean to demean him, to boss him, to treat him as less than the awesome person, husband, daddy, and friend that he is. I just know that we have had a lot of changes - I am feeling some pressure (whether real or dreamed up who knows) and so I do only what I know I can do.

I have a lot to work on, that’s for sure. But if we get it right the first time, life is boring right? Right? Can I get a witness? (Validate me people! )

One would think that when the child wakes up at 5:15 a.m. that it actually allows us MORE time to get us all ready for school/work. Right?

Not so much. I enjoy the extra time with my lovey - it reminds me not to rush quite so much and that the world does indeed keep turning

My goodness- almost two weeks has passed since I last wrote? Wow. Time goes by so fast - we have had so many changes since that day, I’ve almost processed them in order to be able to write about them. Life is crazy - there are only a few consistent things: the love of God, and CHANGE.

For today, however I want to introduce you to a very special friend Debbie Lucien. I met Debbie’s husband almost 25 years ago I believe through my neighbor. It was love at first sight for a four almost five year old He was kind, he was exciting, he loved Jesus, he was from a different country, he flew in airplanes, he spoke a different language than me! I’m sure I probably thought I’d marry him at some point - but alas when I was in sixth grade he married Debbie instead. He brought her to Nebraska to meet us after a wedding in Arkansas. I liked her immediately (apparently I thought my opinion mattered - ha! The thoughts of children, one more way they make us laugh I suppose).

Caleb is the Director of Hosean International Ministries in Pignon, Haiti. Because of Caleb and Debbie lives are changed every day. The stories they could tell you - if after an evening with them you still can’t see the love of God and his miracles, well then I’m not sure, but it means you’re a tough nut to crack

The day after the quake HIM sprung into action. Caleb and his family are incredibly respected in Haiti and because of them and their inroads they have been able to set up Distribution Centers and get food, supplies to Port au Prince almost immediately. You hear so many stories of supplies sitting on airplane strips, of food not getting to the people - I know this is happening. Funny thing I’ve learned is that not only do the people of PaP need hope but SO DO WE! We need hope, we need to see that our dollars, our prayers are WORKING. God is still God in the midst of this and while the media portrays so many stories about inefficiencies - this is not always the case my friends.

God has set people like Debbie and Caleb in Haiti who are making a difference. They are bringing people back to their community. Who knows? Did God work through this ministry for the past 20+ years for this moment? Has God used the relationships, the experiences in order to set the stage for fast relief, fast effort, consistency and relationships within the Haitian government to be able to get 15 (yes, FIFTEEN) planes of supplies to Haiti through one ministry set up and distributed in one week? I believe so.

I will continue to post Debbie’s updates through my Facebook account (search for clearepic@gmail.com) if you want to follow - but I encourage you to visit Debbie at Life of a Blan in Haiti. She is an amazing individual who is giving people hope, not just by her actions, her love for the people of Haiti - but by her updates and you know what? Even if this disaster hadn’t happened - you should probably get to know her, she’s that awesome of an individual, wife, mom, and fellow sister in Christ. You won’t meet anyone better
Below is her update from yesterday: “Haiti Earthquake Relief Update

Whew, it’s getting harder to catch our breath here, but we wanted to give you a quick view of what is happening on the ground. My packing crew spent the morning going through a second truck load of supplies sent from Rotary International. We went through about 300 more boxes and inventoried linens, medications, shelter boxes, etc. Wow, the people of the Caribbean are very generous as all these supplies have come from the Bahamas thus far!

Then we set about packing up Hosean International’s school bus to take a load of supplies to Port au Prince (3 hours away). Coordinating with our distribution contacts, Caleb’s determined the greatest need right now was for sheets, towels, and medications and medical supplies. So we packed the bus to the ceiling with all those we had on hand.

As we headed for lunch, Caleb called and told me a flight of supplies was on its way to the airport. By the time I got to the airport a few minutes later, the airport staff already had the supplies unloaded and were visiting with the volunteer Rotarians who had flown in from the Bahamas. One reason it was so exciting to us, it was the first official international flight for our grass strip airport. We understand the US Forces are providing air control support now and are allowing flight to check in with radio contact. This allows flights to come in directly to us without stopping on the coast. Our location is 90 miles north of Port au Prince so we can be a staging ground of smaller planes and air drops. I want all the folks sending us supplies to know that the materials are safely stored awaiting transport and/or already on their way to those in need. The immediate supplies are all going to Port au Prince; later on we will need more supplies here as we accommodate refugees.

I believe our community has already doubled in size to 60,000 plus in the past week. Every house in my neighborhood now has between 12-25 people sleeping in them. We are setting up ways to work with local churches to distribute to the families in need and those accommodating so many.

Now I need to head to the cyber-café to send out some messages and download all the e-mail. If you are writing to us, please be patient. We will get back to you!

One other small note, yesterday as Caleb was leaving town yesterday to head to Cap Haitian to meet the incoming flights, he passed on of the electrical co-op’s staff who was sitting with his hands to his face in the street. He felt he needed to stop and did. Here he found 65-year-old Innocent who runs the co-op’s generator each night weeping. Caleb found that the gentleman had sent $75 USD with a friend to his children in Port au Prince so they could relocate back home. The person he had sent the funds with took the money and disappeared. Because of gifts sent in, Caleb was able on the spot, to give him the funds he needed to make arrangements for his children.

Thanks again for your prayers. We’re grateful to be able to be here to help.

Debbie for all”

Okay - wow. I just announced my birthday! That is so unlike me - I used to get beyond annoyed in high school when this one girl in particular would walk around with a bag of candy and tell people, “You have to tell me ‘Happy Birthday’.” Then she would give them candy. I would always think to myself, “Really? You’re that cool?” But apparently I’ve joined the ranks. Ha!

I attempted to get up earlier today to have some extra time to myself with my coffee, my bible, and my computer - a wonderful combination if you ask me. But I also decided that the Birthday Girl should get to sleep in a little bit - and R was so warm and cozy, it’s hard to roll out of that! But I am here and have a few precious minutes left to think and enjoy the quiet.

So I will admit to you - I was not looking forward to today, until today. There were many factors. One: I’ve been working REALLY hard on a specific contract. I pretty much dedicated the last 2 years of my life to getting this one in, it’s the crowning achievement in our industry and in my professional life - it’s not the top, because you can’t settle at the top - but it will be nice and I’ve loved all the work I put into it. Anyway - I have for the past 3 or 4 years wanted to take a night and go to the casino with just a few friends for my birthday. I dropped all sorts of hints over the past few years which never really made their way to the right person (ahem…. hubby…). So this year I decided that if this contract came in - that was the plan. Financially we’d be comfortable and we would take a night to celebrate not only my birthday but this hard work.

Welllll….. it’s still a to be continued achievement So mentally I had to re-adjust. No problem - because I felt good about sticking to my decision of not celebrating until there was something to celebrate (you know what I mean) and that we would have dinner at our house - nice, easy and relaxed. R invited some of his friends (and wives/kids) from work because they are amazing people and we have a good time together. I thought, “Wow. Okay - I should invite some of my friends over too.”

It doesn’t take me too long to get through the list. You see, I know a lot of people. I do and I have a circle of relationships so when I’m at work, I get along with 99.9% of the people I work with and enjoy being around them, at church I love the people I have met and am getting to know. When it comes to doing something to hang out - I discovered I only can make about three or four phone calls. Over the course of a day or two they came back with three “sorry - but no” answers.

I have such a sensitive spirit - I need to toughen up really. It was nothing personal and all three had very legitimate reasons why they could not come - but I don’t take rejection well, in any form. It’s something I’m working on, don’t worry (I have a running list).

But today my friends is a new day - I am going to have a great one. After a couple of hours of conference calls (thank you Diego for being my child’s entertainment for just a bit), Miss P and I are going to get ready and hit the town with a fabulous lunch and then - hold on to your seats… pedicures. In -degree weather, with a 2 year old. We shall see how this goes!! But the cleaning girls are coming late this a.m. so we need to get out of the house and I think she’d get a kick out of having someone paint her toe nails… oh don’t worry. I’ll have the camera.

And tonight - tonight isn’t going to be a “thanks for coming and being my friend b/c I don’t have any of my own” moment. Nope, it’s going to be a “I’m really glad you could come. I’m excited to get to know you - and maybe next time I’ll have FIVE phone calls to make instead of four” evening

So, I have a great life. I have the best hubby a gal could ask for. I have a wonderful Savior who blesses me in every which way, shape, and form. I have the most wonderful, funny daughter who makes me laugh about 1,000x/day. I have a great job that I enjoy going to. I have fabulous friends both local and not local who I know would celebrate with me in person if they could.

Happy Birthday to me - the big 2-9 is gonna be a great one.

Here’s one more reason I’m glad we paid off, cut up, and cancelled our credit cards, because really, who wants to deal with these people??

Debt Collectors Accused of Bullying

Recently there have been a few quotes, a few sayings, a few lessons that have stuck with me. I’ve decided I’m going to put these up in my office at work - because they are truly words I need to live by. They are words that seem to keep me centered, focused, and realize what is important.

Here is the first:

This is the beginning of a new Day. God has given me this day to use as I will. I can waste it or use it for good. What I do today is important because I’m exchanging a day of my life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever, leaving in its place something that I have traded for it. I want it to be gain, not loss; good, not evil; success, not failure; in order that I shall not regret the price I paid for it. May I have sufficient wisdom and courage that this shall be my record for today.

It’s something I need to repeat to myself- what a great reminder every morning. We are exchanging a day of our life for whatever we make today out to be. I’ve written once before to some friends that making today great is at times a choice and not circumstance - this seems to fall right in line with that mentality.

Here is my second:

Focusing your life solely on making a buck shows a certain poverty of ambition. It asks too little of yourself. Because it’s only when you hitch your wagon to something larger than yourself that you realize your true potential.

This means a lot to me for a couple of reasons, a client sent this along with another quote to our “team.” He included my “team” in the “team” email. When a group of individuals pass beyond the titles and organization names on the business cards to become as one - that to me, is awesome and why I love my job.  Beyond that it speaks to my heart - if we only focus what we do in life on making a buck, bringing home a paycheck - then we truly are selling our potential short.

The third - our sermon today: Keep Swinging. It was based on the story of Eleazar in 2 Samuel (specifically 23: 9-10). It was so inspiring, so in a word, perfect. Just what I needed to hear. I want this year to be different, to be better- but more than that, it seemed to put a finger on why I often feel the way I do. Here is what I really took away from today - God wants to grant you your heart’s desires. Spoken Truth - I need to learn more about Truth and not just feeling/emotions.

This is to be a year of conquest.

Keep Swinging.

Keep Swinging when you’re tired.

• It says you’re still in the battle.
• Eleazor’s hand froze to the sword.
• Emotions, circumstances, body  you will not dictate who I am.
• When we keep swinging it says: I’m. Still. Here.

Keep Swinging when you’re alone.

• The race isn’t won by the quick only, but by those who persevere.
• Galations 6:9

Keep Swinging when you stumble.

• You do whatever you have to do to stay in the battle.
• The mercies of God renew every morning.
• The enemy has been called “the accuser of the brethren.”

Here is what summed up the entire hour for me - and what spurred me on. Get. Up. Jesus did not allow Himself to endure the cross for me to wallow in the emotions of “woe is me.” You were made for more.

I am waaay too hard on myself, and in no other area of my life do I allow myself to give up. But this piece, the spiritual relationship - I get so down on myself that it is easy for me to say, “I’m not going to get anything out of it. I never will get to where I want to be. I am not good enough.” And then I get discouraged and it’s easy for the cycle to continue.

When I get three very similar themed lessons/messages from three very different individuals, all in the course of a week - I think I’ll stand up and take notice. I’m excited to see where living these out takes me this year.

For some major cuteness! Here are the rest of our Christmas photos thus far. Today is our final Christmas - just my parents, sister and brother-in-law. I’m hosting and for the first time doing a turkey and stuffing (I hosted Thanksgiving one year and bought the entire meal from Hy-Vee…). Wish me luck!

Heading to Grandma and Grandad-Greats:

The hubs who got us there safely:

Now this is love, painting Grandad-Great’s nails

The patriarch, getting ready to steal fondue from all of his grandsons.

Prayse playing with her Uncle Matt after dinner.

The men after dinner… (please tell me it’s not just our family)

The women post dinner…

Apparently this was the most popular gift of the year.

Aunt Denise (Neese) gave Prayse some make-up, Mommy was her palate to test her skills on.

Christmas Day at Grandma and Grandad’s - P LOVES those kitties.

The newest little ballerina in town.

Getting a piggy back ride from Shaun. You can’t tell but they actually really loved this!

Prayse and Baby Rory - she loves this babe.

Add one more to the clan with Piper.

And one more with the cute Kennedy.

I love when these two get together, they have so much fun.

I didn’t have a chance to sit down with my glass of champagne last night to write, only because I was sitting down with my glass of champagne and hanging out with R. I was 50/50 on if he was really going to end up hanging out with me - he typically loves New Year’s and we haven’t been together for one since Prayse was born. It was fabulous to me anyway, just my style. A good dinner, laughter as a family, relaxation, a double feature (with a pause to watch the ball drop and get my New Year’s kiss), and my best friend.

This morning R took Miss Prayse out shopping for awhile. I can only imagine what the two of them are doing - both strong willed, stubborn, and cute. It doesn’t even matter, because he did it to give me some time. Just some time for me. How awesome is that? Even more awesome because the laundry is done, only a few dishes in the sink (champagne glasses and a popcorn bowl) the house is clean AND picked up - so I get to relax with my cup of coffee and my computer. I never thought this would happen. Usually the few times those two are out I have been a mad woman, cleaning as much as I can. But this? This is nice.

So let’s talk about goals - resolutions I don’t like, but goals - those I can get into.

#1. Faith. I feel I have grown in the past year, but there is a desire to continue growing - building a relationship that is deeper than I can imagine. My life works better when this is an exciting and loving piece. When this is a focus I am a better wife, a better Mom, work goes more smoothly, I am more relaxed and happy - I keep things in perspective.  Reality tells me that in order to make this happen I need to be more organized so that’s #2.

#2. It’s the little things, pick up before going to bed, lay out my clothes and pack our lunches. See - this is probably boring to you but it’s the way I think. If I set a goal, I need to map out and think about how to get there. Lofty pie in the sky dreams are great and a necessity for some - but I immediately think about the current situation and what has to happen in order for that to get done. Something that drives Raymonn absolutely nuts, but I can’t NOT think that way - it’s me.

#3.Be more organized at work. Spend 20 minutes in the a.m. figuring out my priorities for the day. The past 5 months I would get there and be overwhelmed so just start my day off running. It’s the same at work as in my personal life, take the first few minutes to breathe and then tackle things one by one. Never stop while I’m there - keep pursuing what I need to get done. I need to make this a successful year - too much is riding on it. Failure is not an option.

#4. Work with R to declutter and downsize the “stuff.” I don’t need to tackle the whole house at once, but as I notice things either set them aside to take to the Mission Distribution Center or throw them away. We started doing this already with our closet and clothes and it has made a difference. I need to continue to do this. I know it is one of the things R has wanted for a long time and neither of us have made the move to do it. We are going to be making some upgrades to our house this year so we need the rest of it to feel similar and welcoming, relaxing. I want to make this our home - not what we just call our home, but one where we walk in and take a deep breath and relax. Because our family is here - but it is a space we have made, not thrown together. Thought out and made. R and I have discussed that we won’t be rushing out of this house - it has enough space for what we need right now (not so much later, but right now). We don’t want to take on more debt and so it is important that this be our H.O.M.E.

#5. Our original goal last year was to pay off 5 key debts. We beat that. Our new goal was by January 31, to be 100% debt free with the exception of the house. I am not sure if this will happen. I need one key contract to come in to help us out. If it can be accomplished then we’ll make it happen.  If not, it will suck - but not for lack of trying. I think we can make it by the end of February.

#6. Here’s my new challenge - which I haven’t talked with R yet so we’ll see how this goes. With some of the money that will be coming we are paying our house down so we don’t have to pay PMI monthly any longer. BUT after that - I want to have a goal to pay off 60% of our mortgage in 2010. Here’s the thing - I know that number, but I haven’t done the math to see if it is realistic. BUT - goals don’t always have to be realistic - you have to have one that seems impossible. Otherwise it will get boring.

So… what’s your “shoot for the stars” goal this year? I’d love to hear it.

Happy New Year friends - it’s all about a new start, a fresh new day, a chance to begin again, so it’s important that we stand our weary bodies up, take a deep breath and look forward to the future and away from the past.

Love you all.

Tiffany

I’ve only had time to re-size a few of our pictures. Hubs is the one who does all sorts of things that are sexy with Photoshop. One day I’ll get there - but there’s only so much time in the day - so you just get re-sized and maybe some cropping

These pics are from our personal family Christmas we had on the night of the 23rd. We’re trying to start our own traditions as P is getting older. It was a bit of a different night only because of an impending blizzard, is is coming or not coming? Will we be able to go home tomorrow? That sort of thing - but oh my we had fun!

(I also know it’s New Year’s Eve - I have ideas of what I want as goals - tonight I’ll sit down with a glass of champagne and think through them a bit more - reflect on last year, etc… for now you just get cuteness).

Very random house but it had blue lights which at the time was a requirement from little Miss Prayse - she NEEDED to see blue lights, the fake tears and wailing said so We ordered pizza and drove around looking at Christmas lights around our neighborhood (sound familiar Mom/Dad?)

Mini Melt-down in the car - because it’s just not a good family time spend night without one of these

We went gourmet for dinner… and then watched Dr. Seuss’ The Grinch Who Stole Christmas (the real one, not the Jim Carey nonsense).

She was super excited about her Christmas hat. Notice her festive outfit… couldn’t get her to change.

This is my sexy hubby.

VERY Excited about opening up her stockings!

Total. Concentration.

Two Words: Bedtime. Procrastination.  Notice the change in attire. She got tired of opening gifts and wanted to play w/ the ones she had. Somehow the thought of bedtime spurred another round. Who would have thought? (Of course I’m the Mama that let her play me - because I really wanted to see her open more gifts).

More procrastination…

More coming (theoretically anyway, maybe that should be a New Year’s goal).

Have a Happy and Safe New Years!

Just right now I have a snuggly two year old cuddled up as close as she can get to me.

Just right now I have the cutest little head of curls resting on my shoulder - so I’m typing slow as to not wreck it.

Just right now life is just about perfect. I love these moments.