Time Out

Mama needs a time out. Seriously. I have begun to hate myself at times – I cannot keep my patience with Prayse. And here’s the thing, she’s not doing anything out of the ordinary from any other two-year-old her age.  But when I say “P don’t do this.” Or “P, come here w/ that.” I feel like I’m talking to a brick wall. That is what is getting me the most. But the way I sometimes find myself handling it – I cannot get so intense with her. I need to find a different way. She takes these and interprets them through her lenses. I am bigger, therefore she is bigger with her dolly’s. I watch how she talks to them, and I want to put myself on “break.”

I’m having one of those “bad mommy moments” feelings. Even when I think, okay we went to the zoo yesterday afternoon – she got to ride the horses twice. We talked about the most exciting things (riding the train, seeing the monkeys) on our way to get icees to bring to Daddy.

I think I just need to start to reinforce “me” time again. Time not just in the mornings, but getting out. Our husbands are great that that. It’s not a question, it’s a statement. “I will be late.” “I signed up for tae-kwon-do.” “I signed up for a volleyball league.” “I signed up for another basketball league.” “I’m going out with the boys tonight.” “So and so invited me to their house for dinner.”Or maybe it’s just the unspoken statement of walking in the door at 6:45, no explanation needed. The freedom! Can you imagine the freedom?

Me? “Hey, could you come home a little bit earlier so I can go on a run?” “Ummm, could you please pick up Prayse so I can work?” “Hey, I know you need to work but can you meet us at home so I can make a 5:30 class at the gym?” “I know I’ve asked a lot this week, but can you put Prayse to sleep so I can go grocery shopping?”

Why? Why do we feel like we have to ask? Shouldn’t we have the freedom to make statements too? Is it because we are the primary caregivers? I have yet to figure this out, but I need to find a way where I can have my statements, my time. And in such a way where I’m not “cramping” anyone or making them feel like it’s on a schedule. You see, schedules run my life – it’s the only way I feel organized, I can see the light at the end of a very long, very crowded tunnel. I’m not one of those who has every minute, or every hour planned out. I could never be like that. But in a very general, “Here is what is going on in our lives over the next week” kind of way.

I read through this and find myself getting bitter – huh. That’s something I need to work on for sure.

But – we do get to have fun as a family. It’s been awhile since you’ve seen my little beauty. We went fishing last month (geez, been too long). Just at a local park by our house. So much fun. Reminded me of growing up. Prayse somehow ended up catching the most fish. Reminds me of another little girl a looong time ago. It was a good day, a needed day. I got the good memories of fishing with my Grandparents, knowing I’m creating more w/ my family.

Sooo excited. She couldn’t stop grabbing the fishing pole, twisting up the fishing string and making more work for Daddy. Again, kind of like another little girl I knew a long time ago.

So proud of fish. She’s excellent!

And one of us, pretend like I’m not make-upless and extremely dirty (and stinky).

We took an impromptu day trip to my parents house. My Grandma came to help my Dad plant some flowers so we wanted to see her. As you can imagine Prayse was a super big helper to her Grandma-Great!

And the worm that she’s super brave holding (only with gloves on). She worried about this worm the entire afternoon. Too cute.

I have a cute family. I am blessed.