Quick! Somebody Tell Me I’m Crazy!!

It just hit me. Took me totally by surprise. I claim no responsibility. When it just hits you what are you supposed to do? Go down swinging? We were in church for goodness sakes! Now the Lord loves a genuine response, but the other couple of hundred people, well – I had to just sit there, and take it, and think. Nothing I could do about it.

And the fact that it’s stuck with me? Well, I’m just a sticky person I guess! Not my fault, definitely not my fault.

I can’t help that those four little words just keep circulating and circulating. I proclaim my innocence!

“I.”

“Want.”

“Another.”

“Baby.”

Wrong time. Wrong place. Did you not just read about how tired I am? About how much I travel right now? What about the fact that Raymonn is now on his own, trying to make it on his own and doesn’t have the corporate fall back plan? (Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you about that. Didn’t forget really, it was just hard to write because layoffs suck and are scary – even when they push you to be better and grab hold of something you’ve been wanting to do for a long time.)

Maybe it’s Prayse who has been talking about going to the airport to go get her little sister for the past 4 weeks. That’s right, I’m blaming the 2 year old. Shame on me.

Maybe it’s seeing how AWESOME Prayse is with babies. She is a natural caregiver that one. Maybe it’s also her continual desire to see “her” baby Maddox (my best friends almost 4 month old).

Recovery? Recovery sucked! Pushing out a 9 lb little dudette – wow. See, I figured the memories of that would never fade… uhhh… but they give you drugs for that right? Oh and little pillows to sit on right? Hmmmm…..

Okay, okay – yes, it takes two. I would never push R into something like this and I know for him it’s definitely not the right time. He feels pretty strongly about it. But as we were talking in bed about him wanting a little baby boy and me wanting another baby girl (like we both just get to choose the egg and sperm) – it just popped out of my mouth. It was supposed to remain my secret, mine alone as I conquer this crazy thought, hoping it would go away when I realized the reality of our crazy life – “Well, honey, when you are ready to start trying I’m ready.”

Loooooong silence.

“Yeah right, 3 weeks ago I mentioned it and you told me no way.”

“Yeah, I know. Things changed.”

So, I’m crazy right? I am definitely crazy! To want this scene again and for Prayse to be added in on the right:

Definitely crazy to want to see this again too – because this is the peaceful part right? I mean this doesn’t show the nursing every 2 hours, crying baby, no milk diet… right? Right!?

Because right after this scene here comes diaper blowouts – and we’re still in diaper debt (not actual, but it feels like it). We don’t want to start over when the end may be in sight with one potty trained right? Who wants to start over? Not me! Not me. Not me?

See this cuteness? This is during the daytime. See, at night it’s a different story right?

Wouldn’t Prayse fit so well into this picture? Can’t you just see her beaming with her baby brother or baby sister? Being the proud little Mama that she is? What am I saying? I am crazy!

Quick! Somebody Tell Me I’m Crazy!