Action!

I made a decision yesterday while at work. It’s one that probably doesn’t seem like that big of a deal to anyone who isn’t inside my head (that would be all of you, ha!). But to me, I don’t know how I feel about it.

I had another mini-meltdown yesterday. I think that had I been alone, and had I not had an 8:30 meeting it had the potential to roll into full scale. All of the little things from work, from life, from me, from everywhere seemed to pile on all at the same time. The conversations I should have had a month or more ago that haven’t yet been had – of course came to the surface and I lost it.  Some of it is things that simply have to be worked through, with a new role I am having new experiences at work and need to scream louder to get help (hopefully). Some of it I need to communicate with my husband more when I am feeling anxiety over certain things.

But here is what I have decided. I am going to accept certain truths about myself: I suck at cleaning my house (not a big surprise). There is not only so many hours in a day, but on top of that only so much energy that I have (as I fall asleep every single night this week while putting down Prayse – what’s with that?). I am a better person when my house is clean, I am more relaxed, I can enjoy my family instead of rushing around cleaning and feeling anxious and defeated because it’s one more thing I simply can’t get done. The normal way of helping as a family when there are two people who are extremely busy apparently does not work for us – may work for you, however not us and I can’t do this by myself (obviously).

So – we’re getting a housekeeper. Someone who will come clean and deep clean our house 2x/month. I have always balked at the idea for a number of reasons:

1. I should be able to handle this.
2. Money.
3. Our house never seemed big enough or nice enough to have someone else clean it.
4. I was afraid I’d look all high and mighty which doesn’t suit my personality or the reality of who I believe we are.

So the search is on. If you’re in the local area and have any suggestions please email me. This is one piece I am dead serious about. The rest of it – I had a friend actually suggest a chores sheet. Her sister and brother-in-law did it and as simple as it seems, they don’t fight about the house any longer. Who knows? Maybe it’s a suggestion – but something has to change. I want to enjoy my family more. If I can adjust to the new work stuff and figure out a way to deal with it calmly – which I will, I just need more than a few weeks to get into my new role…. then this will all work out.