Surprise Blessings

God works in amazing ways, through people who probably don’t even know it (this includes you lady – thank you). I am so grateful because I didn’t realize I even needed it. I received an email yesterday from a friend from college. Someone who although I knew had never connected with too much, purely because of schedules and time and let’s face it, unless your name is Raymonn Adams and your super power is networking – we can’t all be close friends with everyone. Her email of encouragement rocked me. I was multi-tasking during a meeting that was boring and had to stop reading it the first time around because I got so drawn in and emotional that I couldn’t focus on the meeting.

See, here’s the deal. R and I go to a small group on Monday evenings. It’s funny because he didn’t want to go initially. I understand why, we are two busy people who never get time as a family, or with each other, or by ourselves. So to have one more thing on our schedule and to have it be weekly – that’s tough. Guess what? Best. Decision. Ever. I’m not so good at the being vulnerable thing. I love everything about my faith – love the people I know, believe in the power of prayer, etc… but never was good at asking for prayer for myself, never good about being vulnerable with any feelings really – which is why this blog is so random and good for me – it’s my outlet. In small group I was asking for prayer for a family that is close to ours in a number of ways – they lost their 16 year old son a few weeks ago. While giving this as a prayer request I mentioned how many people were hurting and how this year just seems to be so hard. So rough. I have friends, close friends, who have lost three or four friends and family members in 2010. Husbands who have lost wives, Wives who have lost husbands, Children and Grandchildren who have lost  Daddies. With Travis it was the first time I saw Mommies and Daddies who have lost babies. I mentioned that my conversations with some of these individuals were so sad because the consistent theme was just, “Can this year simply be over now?”

One of the individuals in our small group looked at me and said, “There’s something there. There’s something more.” He looked at R and said, “She carries a lot of this, doesn’t she?” I looked at R and he was nodding his head. Suddenly the prayer request became about me. I was angry about that, honestly. I kept wanting to scream – “THEY LOST THEIR 16 YEAR OLD! HIS MAMA HAS LOU GEHRIG’S – IT’S NOT ABOUT ME!!!” But you don’t yell at your lead pastor (:) ) so I kept quiet. And when it came time to pray he prayed for me and for a depression settling around me.

Wow. I have never used that word for myself. Never considered it an option, heck, never even liked asking for help – but the past week + I’m starting to realize that maybe they are right – starting to see things differently, and see differently (power of prayer maybe? you have to decide that one). I have been thinking about everyone who has gone and more importantly everyone who is left – I see their struggles, try not to struggle with my own stuff because it seems selfish, but he was right. I was also in that group thinking, “Bring on 2010 – I’m done w/ 2009. I need a break from the hurt.”

I didn’t want to write – not because I didn’t WANT to – but because when I would sit down in front of here – nothing would be there. I don’t know what the deal was. I just couldn’t.

And God sent two blessings in the forms of notes from people who I don’t even know. Just as I start to begin to wonder, start to feel okay about things – He confirms with encouragement from the least expected (more than that, just plain not expected) places.

Thank you.