Clear Epic

More than anything one of the biggest lessons I have learned this year is how truly hurt someone can get when they are talked about behind their back. We’re all guilty of it, me included. But dang when the tables are turned it’s a bruise to the ego - and we’re all friends so let’s be honest - to your heart. When someone you respect and look up to makes a few consistent comments behind your back and it finds its way to your ears… ouch.

I remember over a year ago when we made the decision to pull Prayse from her current daycare. It was the right decision. It was not a good place for her to be, or for me as a Mama to take my baby to. The issues taking place were affecting every aspect of my life, but especially work. And not just because there was not a single week (okay, two) where my daughter wasn’t sent home “sick”, but because always hearing what a bad day your baby had causes havoc to your life mentally and emotionally. I also was struggling with coming back to work - even six months later. The ability to take her somewhere so close to work - and so expensive - was a blessing because it allowed me to spend time with her on Fridays. It allowed me to work from home on Fridays. Everyone involved knew you don’t get as much done with a baby, now toddler hanging around - but it seemed to work out. Yes, it meant working some nights, getting up early some mornings, working some weekends… that’s okay with me. I am a much more stable and emotionally healthy Mama. I put 200% more effort into my job while I’m there and more than willing to work the extra hours. I had a great year last year, worked on deals that totaled more than $8 million total contract value. It was more than Europe.

Not enough. Hours for dollars my friend - fit inside our mold. THIS is the way to success. ??

When my then boss left our company - she left to become CMO. Chief Mommy Officer. She was so successful, had risen the ranks, one of the most powerful and influential people in our company. She did it at the expense of her kids. It was time to change that, to have succession plans for her kids and not just fellow co-workers. She told me at her house after leaving, “Don’t let them take away your Fridays. Stick to your guns, it’s necessary for you.” I’m sticking to my guns - at a cost, but it’s worth it in the end I believe.

I have overheard comments and conversations and been told about conversations being had by two individuals in particular commenting that I’m a part-timer, that I only work four days out of the week. I wouldn’t normally care, if these two individuals did not have a direct line to our President and COO. I wouldn’t normally care if I hadn’t known one of them since I was 17 and assumed he knew my work ethic as he watched me train 40+ hours a week while carrying 18 college credits, through fatigue, through major injury - all for a National Championship - all for a team. I wouldn’t normally care if one of the individuals wasn’t one of the people I look up to most not only in our company but also as a person, a husband, and a father. Then I care.

As I sat at my computer at 12:45 a.m. this morning working on a proposal and a presentation we’re submitting to a Fortune 2 company today and working on a proposal for one of our top clients at 5:00 a.m. this morning to present some additional options - I asked myself, “Why? Why am I doing this? Do part-timers put in this effort? Should I even be doing this? Why do I stinkin care so much?” I care because not only are these two of our top clients - but the people behind the company brand have become my friends. I know that if done successfully, these projects can help make careers. Not my career (obviously, because I’m just a part-timer), but it doesn’t always matter - you want your friends to succeed and you’ll do what you have to.

Still, the temptation was there. The temptation to prove them right, just once, instead of continually proving them wrong, was the strongest I’ve ever experienced. It’s tiring. I’m tired.