Rest In Peace – Finally, Rest

I attended a funeral today. It was for a family that I have known for several years, through my sister’s in-laws. They lost their Mom. To Cancer. Cancer sucks. It sucks bad. It takes away people who still should be here. It takes away Moms and Dads and Brothers and Sisters and Aunts and Uncles and Daughters and Sons. And friends.

It wasn’t even that they were close friends, but it was a family that had been in my prayers for years. It started when their son started having seizures as a baby and they couldn’t figure it out. They never had tons of money, but it never stopped their quest for a cure. They found it too. After hundreds of thousands of dollars and lots of prayers and lots of nights in hospitals they found a cure – he’s five years old now and I watched him throughout his Mommy’s funeral. He’s here because she fought for him.

About 20 months ago they told her she’d never see Thanksgiving or Christmas. She proved them wrong. She saw two Thanksgivings, two Christmases. She survived the chemotherapy that made her feet feel like they were on fire and bound her to a wheelchair for a time. She survived surgery upon surgery. She proved the doctors at Mayo wrong – they wouldn’t take the tumor out of her heart until it was their “last resort.” The told her this the same day they told her she had 2 weeks to live. She proved them wrong again – they fought again, they found the surgeon who would take out the tumor that was inside her heart – and consequently larger than the muscle itself. She danced with her babies a week before the surgery – and then survived. She looked at the Dr’s who told her she had 2 weeks to live, and walked out and lived 12.5 more months. She was a fighter. She didn’t just fight, she lived through it all – but in the end as she knew something wasn’t right and held onto her babies and cuddled with her husband, through the toughest battle and the hardest war, He took her home.

I have such a hard time with stuff like this. I feel too much sometimes it feels like. I sat there and watched her husband so strong, consoling their three year old and five year old and making sure their twelve year old was okay. So so strong. And so much pain. How could you do it? I would be so angry. I know her faith, we shared the same one. It is of course comforting – but in all honestly, I would still be so angry. I would be so angry to be the one going and the one left behind. There are graduations, first dances, first kisses, first bike rides with no training wheels, weddings and grandbabies. All of that is still coming. There are so many more memories left to create. I hurt for them. I ache for them. You cannot blame anyone for going to a place where finally there isn’t any more pain or sorrow. She more than deserved to rest and to be comforted and pampered by the God who loves her more than we can ever imagine.

But at the same time there is a piece of heaven I cannot understand – how is there no sorrow at all? How can that be when you’re not with your babies?  I have no answers.