Apr 13, 2009
Posted by Tiffany in Uncategorized | 6 Comments
This Is My Life
It’s after 11:00 p.m., I’ve been working for the past two hours and am two drinks and half of a box of Girl Scout cookies down… these are my thoughts and this is my life. Prepare yourself b/c I’m not editing and even I have no clue what is about to come out of my mind:
- I know this is the ebb and flow of my job – but I’m at my wits end. I am never on top of things, always behind, always rushing, always just beating a deadline – even if they are invisible.
- I am not used to losing – and I have lost the past6 months. It’s not a good feeling, I feel like a failure, I feel like I’m not going to be able to take care of my family.
- I hate being the breadwinner but never say so because I don’t want my hubby to feel bad. He is amazing and works really hard – but I hate and have always hated since day one making the most money in our family. It is stressful and I want for once to be able to relax and know that my job is our extra money, it’s not crucial to paying our bills every month.
- I am proud of my family for getting on TMMO. It still freaks me out that I have to bring in more money than our salaries in order to pay our monthly bills. We are ahead and have built up our checking to where we live off of last month’s pay – but it still is stressful.
- I am tired.
- I need a signed contract – I need a win to feel better about myself.
- I need my hubby to interact more with Prayse. She spent all weekend asking about “Daddy?” and telling everyone “Daddy work.” She misses him, her favorite moments of the day are playing on the floor with him – I don’t think he realizes that.
- When I walk upstairs and see the massive amounts of dirty clothes, massive mounds of clean clothes and realize that they are all sitting on our bedroom floor – I swear my throat closes just a bit. Wish I could find a way to make hubs understand that it makes me feel better all around when that stuff is done, picked up, and helped with – I know it’s a guy/girl thing, but doesn’t make me feel better.
- I am not going to let my baby cry it out. She is big enough and trys to climb out of her crib if she gets upset and wants out.
- I do not care that someone is coaching you and feels we are “hurting” her more by going in when she is upset and wakes up in the middle of the night – it is not every night. And I wont’ let my baby scream and cry for me and me not be there. It’s not the way I roll. Good for them if it works for them, doesn’t work for me.
- I work hard too.
- I need time too.
- I need to work at night sometimes too.
- I need girl time.
- I cannot wait until Bunko – and I don’t even know how to play exactly.
- I have one night this month. One. It’s okay though, one night/month is good for me. DH scheduled two different things on top of that night – but I am just gonna let him figure out daycare. Know why? Cuz it’s my one night. I give up lots of nights.
- I have to get up in less than six hours to send out a proposal – I’m giving R.C. six hours to get me some figures and then the proposal is going out with or without their blessing.
- I am tired.
- Good night.
Tiff,
I just wanted to hop on and say that you are a great mom…seeing Prayse at the baby shower, she is such a great, well-adjusted kid…and that is because you respond to her needs and she trusts you. I “tried” the cry it out method when K was little…for 1 night…it was awful, I was bawling as much as she was, and I couldn’t believe that this was in her best interests. K is 2 1/2 and she just recently started sleeping through the night on a regular basis….but that’s okay because if she was scared at night alone in her dark room I wasn’t going to leave her there to scream and think there was no one there to help her.
So, I totally feel you on the CIO. BTW – I ordered a book, for about $10 called the No Cry Sleep Solution, and while it didn’t work miracles, it gave me a lot of ideas to get K to learn how to sleep better…and most of all gave me the peace of mind to know that even though EVERYONE else thought I should let my baby cry, I knew that was not the right decision, and it’s okay not to do what they all say.
Good Luck! And enjoy your night out…..
(((((((HUGS))))))))) you are such a great mom and wife. No advice here because we did CIO for the most part but you have to do what works for you. I hope you get more time to yourself to relax.
Can I come play Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday of next week!?! (Whichever night dad’s not coming?!) I miss you and NEED to give you a hug!
Plus I miss P way too much!
You are an amazing woman, mother, and wife Tif, not to mention the other 10+ roles you play on a daily basis. Don’t shortchange yourself. You are inspiring to countless people and make a difference in numerous lives! I love you!!!
(((HUGS))) You truly are AMAZING!! As for not letting P cry it out, we dont do it with G either. If he screams, we bring him to bed and we all sleep better for it. Do what works for you. She’s your kiddo. Im praying about the job situation!
You’re doing a great job, Tiff! Try not to let the job situation get you down, because these things tend to even themselves out. As for the laundry, screw it. Your priority is family, everything else can wait. And don’t ever feel guilty about not letting P cry it out. We’ve never, ever done that with Claire, and we all sleep better because of it. You have to do what works for you. (((HUGS)))
Hang in there Tiff! You are one super amazing woman and the world needs more women like you. R just doesn’t know how lucky he is. As for the CIO, I can’t do that either. To each their own but it’s not for us. You’re doing a great job girl! **smooches**