One Step At A Time

No, I’m not singing New Kids On The Block (well, actually now I kind of am…), but rather it’s how I have been living my life lately. So much going on personally and professionally, I came to my breaking point last week. I literally felt like I almost broke – but amazingly enough I didn’t. Funny how it always ends up that way isn’t it?

What has changed is my mentality. I am just going to take every day, every task one step at a time. I’m going to do the best I can do, and really, that’s ALL I can do! It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure this out, but somehow I always seem to lose myself in the stress of it all, in the extreme perfection I expect of myself… and then I morph into someone I don’t like. I am proud, however that this time I didn’t externalize it (well, maybe I did, I’ll have to check with Raymonn to make sure). I feel like I didn’t take out what I was feeling on my family or my co-workers with the exception of one long winded, “I’m at the end of my rope” email, but it was justified until I learned his Dad is sick and in the hospital – okay so i did take it out on my co-workers now that I think about it. Well, for the most part I didn’t externalize the stress and frustration and fatigue. However – why are we not nicer to ourselves? Internalizing all of this stuff certainly doesn’t help OUR days personally. I’m tired of being my own martyr. I need to be nicer to myself and work things out so that I am not stressing and berating myself for any perceived weaknesses or faults.

So, I am going to take everything that comes upon me one step at a time, one foot in front of the other and tackle things as they come. I am going to recognize that some nights I really do need to go to bed at 9:00 – and that’s okay to do, even when my To Do list is still a mile long – the world will not end. There are some mornings where for the sake of my sanity and health, I need to ignore the 5:00 a.m. alarm. It’s okay.

I am proud of myself for:

• Sticking to perfecting our budget (even though we were still off in Feb – only our second month trying)
• I called our Cable/Internet provider and found a way to lower our monthly payments
• I looked at our phone bill and found a way to lower our monthly payments
• My family has had good, home cooked meals and we have with the exception of yesterday not had to go run and grab anything for lunch
• Prayse is talking more and more and although I recognize that I need to stop the world around me to get on her level and figure out what she is trying to tell me – I recognize that I need to do that.
• Prayse and my relationship is awesome. I am so in love with that little girl and she makes me feel like I’m her hero – best feeling in the world. I don’t always do it right, but I’m a good Mama. I don’t care if it sounds like I’m bragging – its something to brag about.
• I have done a better job this week managing stress levels of some extracurricular activities – I made the decision to hold off on those and are fired up about Total Money MakeOver still
• My house has been semi-picked up and cleaned all week long. R has been incredible helping with this and I am more relaxed when it is.
• My hubby and I have been communicating! yes, I’ll shout it from the rooftops because it’s not always the case, but we are locking arms and weaving our way through this crazy marathon race called marriage – we’re winning too. Finally, we are winning!

Time to get the family up and going  – but have a great day friends. I’ll be back on and regular with my postings before I know it – b/c life and I are going to make a better bargain.