I Need Advice
Prayse came home from school today with another Ouch Report. This is the third time in the past month that she has gotten bit. They do not tell us who the child is (which I understand), but it is the same kid.
What do I do? I know that kids are kids and there are times she’ll be bit or get into a fight, or be the one fighting or biting. But give me a break. Three times in the past month!?!?
I brought it up with the teacher on staff in the afternoons, although it happened in the morning. I understand that they cannot discipline and that they show Prayse the affection and attention first. But I need a plan to get this to stop. It makes me feel better that the Mom of the other child was upset and gave her a “stern talking to.” But at this age at 15-16 months the kid had no clue what they were talking about 8 hours after the incident.
I plan on talking with the main teacher on Monday to understand more about the situation, is it a personality thing? Is there something that P is doing to antagonize that we can be working on at home? SOMETHING has to be done. I cannot allow my child to keep getting bit. And I do not want her to think that it is okay to bite, which at some point she’s gonna get pissed and just bite back. And honestly, I don’t blame her.
So I need advice, I need advice on how to talk w/ her teacher or what to say, I need to know what you all have done in this situation. And you lurkers? I know you’re out there b/c I see the IP addresses and the hits 
Can you delurk for this one to tell me what you’ve done?
Thanks friends!
BeautifulllyUnique Says:
Oh wow! That’s a tough one. Bubba got bit once when he was 3 (in pre-K). The little girl that bit him, was younger than all of the others and much smaller. She bit because she felt intimidated. Of course, DeMaytia was 2, she may have understood a little more than a 15-16 month old.
I’m not sure how to handle this one girly. But I do agree, something must be done. You can’t let your little one continue to get bit and you sure don’t want her picking up that habit.
I hope you get something figured out Tiff. I’ll be praying for you!
Posted on September 11th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
Mandy Says:
Well, as the mother of a “biter” - who has been bitten a few times herself, I’m not sure if there is much YOU can do. The teachers need to make sure that they keep an eye on the kid that is doing the biting, I could always tell when Kennedy was about to sink her teeth in. Also, there should be some kind of “punishment” for the other kid right after the biting happens, like removing them from the situation.
For us, it was just that K got really frustrated, and didn’t know how to express herself, and as you know, she has a lot of emotion, so that was her answer to someone taking her toy, or even getting in her way (Sigh…) The phase didn’t last long, and both the daycare and I had discussions w/ her about not biting…I also told her that if she needed to bite something she should bite a blankie or a stuffed animal, which she still does sometimes when she gets upset….but at least it isn’t me anymore, or someone else’s kid.
And quite frankly…if P gets upset enough and bites back, that may not be ideal, but it might be all it takes….that doesn’t mean she’ll become a serial biter too ;-}
Posted on September 12th, 2008 at 7:07 am
Wes Says:
You know…back when Belle was was about the exact same age as your daughter, she would come home with bites just about everyday. Jen and I were as frustrated as I can tell you are. We had multiple conversations with our Daycare provider and some were heated as you never want to see that your child is getting munched on constantly. However, it came down to a couple things for us:
1. Do trust that your Daycare provider is doing everything in their power to prevent this?
2. Is this affecting your child?
We ultimately decided to remain with the same provider and it gradually got better and the serial bitter seemed to move on to other phases of life. The provider also would not tell us the name of the child, but would remove the child from the situation. There is not much that can be done, even though I am sure you’d just love to rip into the parents of the bitter (atleast I did…however, you learn to understand that those parents are just as concerned and frustrated, but from a different perspective).
Hang in there…it will get better.
Posted on September 12th, 2008 at 7:44 am
Wendy Says:
Hi Tif- Kighter was bit twice in the same week in daycare and I was just as upset. I wanted to know exactly what the other mother was doing at home to prevent this behavior. Is this an only child or are there other siblings that do this?
In my situation the other mother was very unhappy and made several suggestions to our provider on what to do when it happens (all suggestions that daycare providers cannot do) like shutting the mouth hard, putting oral gel on the lips, squirting lemon in the mouth, ect.
I was shocked to hear this suggestions from a parent! I personally would never want someone to be physical with my one year old that is for sure- also have you ever tried oral gel??? It is soo bad and I would never use it either. SO the common groud that was met and actually worked was when the child bit other children she was isolated in a different part of the room in her own area. Kighter was not been bit since. People can think what they want of this solution but I think that it was the best for Kigher, me, the other baby and definitely better than the suggestions of the other mother.
Posted on September 12th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
Tiffany Says:
All great suggestions. I do not want KB teachers to do any sort of discipline like that other Mom had suggested simply because I don’t feel it is their place to do so.
Wes you asked good questions where I do think (or hope) that after speaking with her teachers in depth I can feel at ease. Just getting an Ouch Report isn’t enough for me. I need to know the details of how it happened. I also think that right now it is not adversely affecting her where she is biting us or withdrawing or anything like that. I do not want it to get to that point though.
I agree Wen that if we can come to some sort of action plan where not only is Prayse attended to first but that the other child is removed from the situation, even to another area of the room. Or trying to make sure that they do not play together for awhile, just something!
Posted on September 12th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
Amy Says:
Yikes! Yeah, that’s a toughie. Oh, the things I have to look forward to…
I don’t know that I’d do anything differently, Tiff. I would definitely want to know the circumstances of the incident to try and understand why all of the sudden this seems to be a common occurrence? Do you know, is this child biting other children as well or is it just Prayse?
I agree with the others that the teachers need to take some sort of action like separating/isolating the biter. I understand that their disciplinary action is limited, but there has to be some sort of consequence for a child’s inappropriate behavior.
Poor Prayse!
Posted on September 15th, 2008 at 8:49 am
Wes Says:
I can’t believe a parent would “discipline” a 1 year old like that…quite sad and difficult to think about. The isolation from the situation seems to be something that worked in our case as well and really seemed to get through to the 1 year old.
It will all turn out for the best. God Bless!
Posted on September 17th, 2008 at 9:59 pm
Traci Says:
Hey Girl
I have pictures I still need to send you from the Children’s Museum. I just think her website is such a fun idea!!
I had a few biters in my daycare days, but it’s much easier to try to control or “watch for signs” in a small group. The kids I had that bit though, were aggressive biters. When they were frustrated, wanted a toy another child had,hungry,etc.
I would talk to the parents(who would initially be horrified their child bit another child), but once the drama subsides the parents of the biter think it was over. I used a pack & play if they continued biting after 3 times. I would tell the offending child it was naughty to bite thier friends when I put them in the pack n play, so they knew they did something wrong, but then give the child bitten all of my attention. Thank Goodness children do not enjoy being confined and watch their friends play while they cannot. The kids hated being removed from playing and usually that was enough to make it not worth it anymore. Every child is to different though. I think I was probably lucky it worked for me. Do they get any type of consequence for biting?
Good Luck!! I feel bad for Miss Prayse…..Traci
Posted on September 19th, 2008 at 7:12 am